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The Best Places to Fart
More fun with farts!
Published by Bo Jack Russo in Work
December 23, 2008
The funniest places to fart if you can keep a straight face afterwards.
After the last fart panel meeting, they decided to further enlighten the general public with more fart knowledge.
So, boys, girls, people of all ages, and anyone interested in better understanding the culture of the flatulent, please feel free to expand your knowledge in these articles, which you can refer back to at anytime for referencing.
The newest topic we are going to discuss is some of the best times and situations to pass your gas and share the odorous event with people around you, that is, of course, if you can keep a straight face after the offering of the methane gas expulsion out of your bum.
1)Grocery store checkout register. This is a great time to share your foul air when the little old lady in the front of the line is writing a check, and you know everybody is going to be stuck there for a while.
2)On a public city bus. This option is particularly funny because no one trusts anyone any more, and nobody will say anything to you because they think anyone audacious enough to break wind(Fart) on a bus where no one can escape is probably a psycho.
3)At the Post Office. Nobody, and I mean nobody, no matter what happens is going to step out of the line at the post office. The best time of year to do this is the last day income taxes are due. But you better hope a disgruntled employee wasn’t fired the day before, or you may receive as well as give a blast.
4)At 7/11.This works best just before 8am on any given weekday. Everyone has their coffee or donut or holding a soda they have not yet paid for, so they must stay in line, there is a crowd, the cashier is stressed, but the people need to breathe, and will be ingesting your noxious fumes.
5)In a Taxicab. When this method is employed, the best scenario is at an airport around noon, when the possibility of a shared fare is much greater, and the airport traffic is always terrible, and the Cabbie won’t notice the odor over his own smell, but the passengers will.
6)In a carpool to work. Now that gas prices are dropping, who wants those annoying co workers in your car anyway? Eat a nice chorizo burrito and warm beans on a fresh tortilla, and about 45 minutes later, your smelly passed wind is at it’s peak. They will call tomorrow with some reason that they are getting a ride from someone else.
7)Any where around a suspected terrorist. This works, because if he is a terrorist, he will shoot you and you won’t know it anyway, and if not, he will start spewing some garbled version of English or some other language, spitting everywhere, looking and sounding like an idiot, and everybody will be laughing at him.
8)During love making(for women only).If you really do have a headache, this is one surefire way to kill his mood. The woman can enjoy this fart, and while men think all farts are funny, this one is not. If your husband finds this particular fart funny, time to get a new husband.
9)On an airplane. Best done after a beer drinking and hard boiled egg eating contest the night before, eggs soaked in vinegar even better. Those kind of farts I believe really could kill someone from breathing them in, the most foul smelling farts on the planet. Talk about cabin pressure.
10)At Wal Mart, Near the register, or in any aisle at all. This may be the funniest of all. You could squat down in the middle of the aisle and take a crap, or pee on the floor and not a single one of those drones stopping in front of you, or running into you would even take notice, because they are too busy reading a label, if they can read at all, or looking at all the smiley faces and big prices signs. You could fart strongly enough to shake the foundation, and they wouldn’t even bother to look away from whatever they are engrossed in.
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